If that was your dad, he is hot
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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