omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
