I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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