He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
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