Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
