I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
