sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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