Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
