i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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