I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
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