I want to make a zoo with you.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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