somebody snuck up and got me drunk
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
