I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
