people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
