I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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