How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
this boner is exhausting
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
