I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
