I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I want to have your abortion
I bet he comes in French.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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