I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
