well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
