***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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