Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
