OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
