Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Randomize
