i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
farters have to be the big spoon...
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Randomize
