Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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