Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
