it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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