i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Randomize
