K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
