My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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