I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
