By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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