you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
