please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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