things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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