It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Randomize
