I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
