i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
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