She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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