We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
