I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
