i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
