You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
