:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
If I had your ass I would rule the world
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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