If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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