Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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