Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
