I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
