Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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