i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
