my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
