margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
