Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Do vagina's smell?
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Randomize
