i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
